why am i only motivated to sort my life out at 3am
- what she says: im fine
- what she means: OH, DAMN… IT’S NOTHING! IT’S STUPID! YOU KNOW THOSE BLACK SHOES? I TOLD YOU IT WAS STUPID. I BOUGHT THIS BLACK DRESS TO GO WITH THOSE BLACK SHOES, WHICH I FORGOT TO PACK. I HAVE 6 OTHER PAIR OF SHOES, 2 OF WHICH ARE RUNNING SHOES IN CASE YOU’RE UP FOR A LITTLE GAME LATER. AND NOW I’M DOUBLY SCREWED BECAUSE I HAVE 2 BLACK DRESSES AND NO BLACK SHOES. I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING, “WHO CARES WHAT COLOR SHOES SHE’S WEARING?” BUT BELIEVE ME, WOMEN NOTICE.
People have written a lot of touchy-feely pieces on this subject but I thought I’d get right to the heart of the matter
- Me: *during sex* ....i think i hear someone coming....
- girl: ....who?
- me: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *bust nut*
imagine bucky recovering his memories and one day, after a mission, they’re all in the stark tower having breakfast and all the avengers are around kind of minding their own business, tony is chatting with bruce about some science stuff, pepper is on the phone and clint…
toast annoys me so much cos like it’s bread that’s been toasted so we call it “toast” but if you fry a potato it’s not called a “fry”
do you ever look back at your mistakes
when people start getting close to your friends
When ur hair won’t listen to you and its a mess and ur just like ???? I grew you myself??? I gave you life and this is how you repay me??
Do you ever have that one line in a song that just means the world to you and has this deeper meaning that you feel just explains everything and then your friends listen to it and are just like that’s cool but you’re like NO THAT LINE IS JUST EVERYTHING HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND and you realize just how much music means to you
i don’t really understand where penises go when boys wear pants
sometimes to the left
sometimes to the right
take it back now y’all
One hop this time
please don’t jump on my penis